So, rather than play “monkey see/monkey do” with the prospect, just match his/her body attitude. Use only your torso, and lean in the general direction he/she does.

More important is to match the energy of the prospect. I’m a high-energy, expressive guy. If I’m talking with a low-energy, analytical person, I need to slow my breathing to approximate his. If I don’t, I’ll come of as over-bearing and/or an ADD patient.

I know a lot about this approach to building rapport because I wrote a book on it. The book was just my attempt to make sense of all the various techniques I learned in my NLP training over the years. I discovered that there are really about five levels you need to achieve before you’re assured that the other person is really in rapport with you. For example, the first level is Safety. If you can’t make the other person feel safe with you, his fight/flight response gets triggered and you don’t want either one.

OK, this is getting long. Perhaps we can start a separate thread on rappor building if enough people want to learn how to be effective at it.

– Michael Lovas
http://www.aboutpeople.com

I know from reading your blog and our discussions that you’d agree that so often we as sellers end up making things more complicated than necessary. Different question types for different situations and to elicit different types of information? Some questions to explore, some to guide? Yep.

Complicated? Formulistic? Shouldn’t be if we’re really interested in our prospect and their issue.

You’re so right. Whether we’re talking about body language or verbal language, many sellers get caught up in the “doing”–asking the “right” question at the right time or mirroing perfectly the prospect’s body language.

I’m a firm believer in process. I have a process for everything. But process shouldn’t translate to rote.

Having a sincere interest in understanding the prospect and their issue is the catalyst that transforms the process or strategy from a mechanical repitition of movements, questions, or statements into a dynamic interaction with our prospect.

Our most basic motivation–to either help or manipulate–will in most cases determine how we come across to our prospect (with the recognition that we may well come across as mechnical or even manipulative as we are learning a new set of skills–but that should disappear relatively quickly as perfect the skill and integrate it into our seling process),

I think your dead right about having a sincere desire to understand. I believe techniques can help your questioning (SPIN for example) – but you need to have that genuine desire to understand your client or it will come across as a grilling.

It’s a bit like all the advice on using body language to try to give the impression you are interested in what someone is saying. Rather than trying to mirror them, look at the right parts of their face or whatever – why not try actually being interested in what they are sayign for real. That way your body language will naturally be right – rather than having to fake it.

Ian

First, you have ask short-answer questions to demonstrate that you have some credibility and relevance. Those questions typically revolve around What and Have you tried…

How to ask questions so it doesn’t feel like the Inquisition? Ask them in the same communication style as the person you’re talking to. That’s what they relate to best.

How can you determine their communication style? Read their face. Simple facial lines will tell your their personality type, values and communication style. Simple.

– Michael
michael@aboutpeople.com